Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
