i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
