I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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