he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
