saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
