the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
