I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
