shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
