he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
