Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
