used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
