it was like eating out sand paper
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
