I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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