I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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