I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
