Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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