Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I supernannyed him into submission
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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