I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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