One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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