i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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