Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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