I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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