FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
