Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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