I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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