Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
