Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You are the jesus of drinking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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