I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so let's talk penis.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
