Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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