Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
