you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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