I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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