Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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