I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
