Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
