Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
