why didn't you poke me back
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
