You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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