we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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