Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
