why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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