Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
