Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize