Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
