Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had to cum in my sink.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
