...so i touched it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
