I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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