90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
