i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
