Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
