i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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