I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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