Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize