Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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