when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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