On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
