Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
