So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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