k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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