then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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