All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
