That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize