If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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