i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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