Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
