I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Welp...herpes.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
