awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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