my vag is so smooth its legendary
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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