Buhtt sex?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
