someone threw a dead crab at me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
