so explain again why im purple
no
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
