Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
