apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
