My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
