You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
