a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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