On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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