I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
