I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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