there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
